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Spare the Rod for the Love of Our Children by Sharon Fortune
Seven
countries-Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Austria, Italy and Cyprus-
have laws making it illegal for parents to use physical punishment on
their children.
Corporal punishment in schools has been banned in all the
countries in Europe, South and Central America, China and Japan.
The United States has outlawed corporal punishment from our
prisons as cruel and inhumane treatment, as well as wife-beating, once
thought to be the right of a husband.
Why don’t we afford the same protection to our children?
Our culture sanctions the use of corporal or physical punishment
as a way for parents to discipline their children.
Just a few weeks ago Marvin Munyon, president of the Family
Resource Forum based in Madison, Wisconsin, was at the Eau Claire Gospel
Center to talk about and demonstrate the proper way to spank children.
Mr. Munyon would have us believe that discipline other than
spanking is ineffective (Emerson 1B, 3B).
From my experience as a child and a parent I have found the
opposite to be true.
If we take a look at what discipline is and the reasons parents
use physical punishment, we can then start to understand that there are
more effective ways to discipline children.
Webster’s New World
Dictionary defines corporal punishment, as “bodily punishment.”
The word punish is defined by the same source as “to cause to
undergo pain, loss, etc., as for a crime.”
There is no mention anywhere in this definition about teaching or
training which is one of the definitions of discipline: “training that
develops self-control, efficiency, etc.”
What does physical punishment teach children?
For one thing it teaches them that it’s okay to use violence to
solve problems.
Secondly, it teaches kids that it’s okay to hit people who are
smaller and weaker than they are.
It doesn’t teach them self-control or ways to change their
behavior other than not getting caught misbehaving.
One of the ways kids learn is by watching and mimicking the world
around them, especially their parents.
They are quick to learn when words and actions don’t coincide,
for example, when a parent spanks a child because the child hits someone
else. Being
a parent is not an easy job and it takes time and patience to discipline
children.
After a year of implementing a
specific discipline for my daughter’s temper tantrums, I witnessed my
daughter exercise self-control at the age of three.
Temper tantrums were her specialty.
When my daughter flew out of control I would put her in her room
until she calmed down.
Then she was allowed to rejoin the family and finish the task she
was asked to do, or apologize depending on the circumstances.
In this particular instance, when my daughter got angry she
picked up her blanket and stomped upstairs crying without me saying a
word other than she couldn’t play her musical instruments in the same
room while her sister was watching television.
She stayed upstairs for about ten minutes.
After that, she came downstairs and proceeded to play quietly.
I sat there in utter amazement!
She had disciplined herself.
To discipline a child we must
first consider the problem and why the child is
misbehaving.
Are we expecting too much from the child at their age?
That is sometimes the case.
Not many people have studied the developmental stages of
children.
Our society assumes parents know everything about parenting.
We require schooling and licensing to cut hair but we don’t
require parenting classes.
What do we know about being parents except what we know from our
own growing up years.
My parents spanked my siblings
and me.
Sometimes we were spanked with their hands and for more serious
offenses with a belt.
I didn’t know any other way to parent.
When my daughter was about 18 months old I started using physical
punishment by hitting her hand and telling her no when she played with
the television knobs.
She’d go right back and do it again.
I would hit her hand again and tell her no, and she’d still do
it again.
I found myself getting angrier and hitting her harder until I
stopped myself, not liking how I felt.
About that time I joined Preschool PTA, a sub-group of PTA for
parents of children ages birth through five.
The goal of the group is to educate and support parents of young
children.
Every month a professional from the community would speak on some
aspect of parenting.
Not one speaker ever mentioned using spanking as a form of
discipline.
One speaker explained to me that at my daughter’s age she was
in a “broken record” stage, which is why she kept playing with the
television knobs.
She suggested I remove my daughter from the television, get her
started playing with a toy, and the distraction would break the cycle of
the “broken record.”
It worked!
I learned a lot of good parenting skills in the four years I was
a member of that group and never resorted to hitting either of my girls
again.
In talking to people I have
found three basic reasons why parents spank.
The first is that they were spanked as a child and they turned
out okay.
The second reason is that it’s their right as a parent to spank
and the third one is that the Bible not only supports it, but advocates
the spanking of children.
Let’s take a closer look at each of these reasons.
I can say I was spanked and I
turned out okay, but was it a necessary part of my upbringing?
I say no.
The reason is because all my mom had to do was give me a
disappointing look and I was ready to break down in tears.
Spanking wasn’t necessary.
On the other hand, my brother was constantly being spanked or
whipped with a belt.
Did it stop him from misbehaving?
For the moment, yes.
But if it really worked the spankings would have gotten fewer and
fewer.
They didn’t, because it didn’t solve the problem.
A
report published by the AMA’s Archives of Pediatric and
Adolescent Medicine showed that spanking was counterproductive; the more
a child was spanked the worse their behavior became over time.
The study looked at six to nine year olds.
After two years, behavior improved for children whose parents
didn’t spank them, whereas the behavior became worse for children who
were spanked once or twice a week (Schulte).
As I look back now, I realize that my brother probably had an
attention deficit disorder.
He couldn’t sit still and he had trouble concentrating in
school.
What my brother needed was for someone to figure out why he was
being naughty all the time.
I tried to talk to him a few years ago about the uselessness of
spanking and we got into a heated argument.
He said he turned out just fine so he was planning to use it on
his kids when he had some and that no one was going to tell him how to
raise his kids.
Most parents believe they have
the right to raise their children any way they want.
I certainly don’t want anyone telling me how to raise my kids,
but it’s different when we’re talking about intentionally inflicting
pain on a child.
Since a parent’s responsibilities include protecting their
children from harm, physical punishment runs contrary
that responsibility.
Also, how we raise our children affects the community-at-large
not just our own families.
The countries that ban physical punishment have a noticeably
lower rate of violence than the United States (EPOCH).
We must respect our children if we expect them to respect us.
That doesn’t mean you let them run wild.
Adrienne Ahlgren Haeuser, a professor at the University of
Wisconsin - Milwaukee School of Social Welfare took a trip to Sweden to
find out the results of the no spanking law.
She said teachers told her the children were easier to teach and
a wide variety of professionals thought the kids were actually getting
more discipline (Banisky and Bowie 1J).
The last reason is that the
Bible advocates it.
Who hasn’t heard the often misquoted verse from Proverbs 13:24,
“He who spares the rod hates his son” (957).
For some reason we never seem to hear the second part of that
quote.
It’s, “but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
You can be careful to discipline - train your child - without
spanking.
I am a Christian; I take my faith very seriously.
Jesus Christ loved us so much that he gave his life for us.
His message is one of love.
He speaks of children as special individuals.
In Matthew 18:3-5 he says, “I tell you the truth, unless you
change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom
of heaven.
Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the
greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes
me” (1465).
I contend that if Jesus were here today he would ask this
question, “Why would you want to hurt one of my little children when
there are other ways to discipline them?”
I have been a member of three different baby-sitting co-ops.
When I joined the one in California I didn’t realize that the
sitter was allowed to spank your child.
I raised the subject at one of our meetings and instantly felt
attacked.
Several members launched into a tirade about the Bible advocating
spanking, and that the sitter had to have something to use as a last
resort.
Of course there was nothing in the rules about what other options
should be tried first.
It was left solely up to the sitter.
Since I did not expect the attack, I was not very savvy in my
approach.
The only way I could get anyone to listen to me was to tell them
that if it was their right to spank their kids, then it was my right for
my kids not to be spanked.
I added that I would consider it child abuse.
As you can imagine that did the trick.
They conceded; they said the wishes of a parent not to have their
child spanked had to be respected.
Nevertheless, I didn’t feel comfortable staying in the group.
I have come to the conclusion that we should pass laws banning physical punishment of children. After all, it wasn’t until Sweden banned the practice in 1979 that the country launched a public education campaign to teach parents effective alternatives. The ban works similar to our seat belt law. There is no penalty unless you get caught doing something else wrong (Banisky and Bowie 1J). It would take just such a law for our country to implement an all out parenting education program. Through education, parents would learn effective ways to discipline which includes: setting reasonable goals and consequences for a child’s age; encouraging positive behavior in children; talking to kids about right and wrong; and last, but maybe the most important aspect of all is to be consistent. Our goal should be to teach our children self-discipline, so they behave even when we aren’t around. But more importantly, physical punishment is an assault on a child. We have laws to protect adults, we should have laws to protect children!
Bibliography Banisky,
Sandy and Liz Bowie and Associated Press.
“To Spank or not to Spank?
Debate continues after Georgia incident.
A Matter of Discipline.” Baltimore
Sun, The (Baltimore, MD), July 10, 1994: 1J.
Emerson,
Julian. “Spanking As
Discipline Promoted.” Eau
Claire Leader-Telegram, September
23, 2000: 1B, 3B. NCACPS:
“Facts About Corporal Punishment.”
Homepage: 15 Oct.
2000
http:/www.stophitting.com/NCACPS/NCACPS_facts_about_corporal_punishment.htm Schulte,
Brigid. “AMA research
suggests spanking kids hinders discipline more than it
helps.” Knight-Ridder/Tribune
News Service, August 14, 1997.
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