Lori Bica discusses what it means for her husband, Jeremy Harrison, to serve as the primary caregiver in their family.

Bica explains how a stay-at-home father provides a more complete style of parenting.

Links:

Hear what it's like to be a stay-at-home dad from the source, Rebel Dad, a father and blogger who discusses the trend.

TheNational Fatherhood Initiative has conducted several research projects that place stay-at-home dads under the microscope.

If you happen to be a stay-at-home father, or would like to know where they can go for adivice, check out the online resource for stay-at-home dads.

Dads as primary caregivers
an increasing phenomenon

By Brian Reisinger
reisinbj@uwec.edu

Returning from a day’s work on a recent Thursday evening, Lori Bica navigated through the darkened garage, skirting piles of building materials and stepping up to the screen door. The grinding wail of her 5-month-old son Julian – muffled but still a distinctive call to his mother’s ears – sounded from inside.

“Uh-oh,” she said with a smile. “There’s a crying baby.”

Bica, an associate professor and chair of the Psychology Department at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, popped the door open and entered the kitchen to see her husband, Jeremy Harrison, a middle school teacher on a leave of absence, holding Julian in one arm. Dinner was in its early stages, set out neatly on the counter surrounding the sink.

The pair greeted one another and then joined in efforts to watch their two sons. Calder, 3, played Simon and Garfunkel at an almost overwhelming level as he alternated between entertaining himself and vying for his parents’ attention.

Though still rare, fathers like Harrison, who serve as the primary caregivers while their wives work outside of the home, are gradually increasing in number nationwide as society becomes more open to change – a development that experts say stands to promote gender equality and improve parenting as a whole.

In 1995, 64,000 married couples in the United States featured stay-at-home dads, less than 0.5 percent of all married couples nationwide, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s report on Families and Living Arrangements. Stay-at-home mothers, by contrast, made up roughly 19 percent at 4.4 million. By 2004, the number of stay-at-home dads had reached 147,000. Though that number is still less than 1 percent of all married couples, it constitutes an increase of 130 percent.The number of stay-at-home mothers jumped only 25 percent.

Sociologists who study family and domestic arrangements, meanwhile, said that stay-at-home dads are becoming prevalent and socially acceptable in some areas, such as cities or more progressive communities.

For those families choosing to have a father stay home, however, the discussion remains focused on the best care for their children.

“I don’t think we care (about defying social norms),” Harrison said. “We wanted to raise them ourselves … and this has been working.”

It’s a matter of circumstance
The stay-at-home dad phenomenon exists for a variety of reasons, said sociologists Cameron Macdonald of University of Wisconsin-Madison and Scott Coltrane of the University of California, Riverside. Some stay-at-home dads are widowed or divorced. But among those who are married, some willingly enter at-home fatherhood, while others find themselves stuck at home.

Those fathers who become stay-at-home dads by choice are an addendum to the feminist movement, which challenged traditional domestic constructs, Macdonald and Coltrane said. Such fathers, though, still may have made the decision because their wives’ careers are either more lucrative or more difficult to interrupt.

Families interviewed in the Eau Claire area said greater career flexibility for husbands and a shared belief in active, at-home parenting were major motivations.

Heather Grant is the principal at Manz Elementary on the south side of Eau Claire. Her husband, Charlie Grant, worked as a substitute teacher when their first of three children was born in 1996. Today, apart from coaching his son’s basketball team, Charlie Grant’s work is in the home.

“I had the permanent, full-time job,” Heather Grant said. “He’s been home full time since then.”

The Bica Harrison family said Harrison’s career as a middle school teacher – with the availability of part-time positions and leaves of absence – is more flexible than Bica’s. He was able to scale back his work week, then take a one-year leave when their second son Julian was born.

For Phil Rechek and his wife, April Bleske-Rechek, the choice was even clearer. Rechek worked in sales with little satisfaction, while Bleske-Rechek pursued a career in psychology – ultimately taking a position at UW-Eau Claire, like Bica.

“I wasn’t terribly happy at my position,” Rechek said of leaving the professional world in 2002 when their firstborn, Sam, was 10 months old. “It was just something we thought we’d try.”

All couples interviewed said the primary motivation in having a parent stay home is a strong belief in raising their kids themselves.

“It’s why we had kids,” Bica said, “to enjoy them.”

For the Grants, having Charlie stay home was actually smarter financially because his earnings as a substitute teacher at the time were less than the cost of daycare.

None of the families interviewed said they were bothered by traditional gender roles or expectations. Their high levels of education, Macdonald and Coltrane said, support sociological theories that suggest more educated, open-minded couples embrace social change.

The fathers of today’s generation may also want to forge a level of intimacy with their children that fathers of past decades never did, said Macdonald, who teaches courses on family at UW-Madison. That’s a theory Harrison corroborated, saying that his father worked in sales and traveled extensively, with little control over how much time he had for his children.

“I guess if I thought I could control that, I would,” he said.

Families in Eau Claire with stay-at-home dads said finances can be difficult and stressful, but all interviewed featured wives with full-time careers that yield a living. To supplement the family income, Phil Rechek has worked as a waiter in the past and now works at the Eau Claire Children’s Museum. The Bica Harrisons have had to scale back savings for retirement and their children’s college funds until Harrison returns to work.

But for some families, economics is the driving force behind stay-at-home fatherhood, possibly because of unemployment or failed careers, Macdonald and Coltrane said. Additionally, many blue-collar fathers provide care while working opposite shifts from their wives, Macdonald said. Fathers in such situations may be less willing or less enthused, even though they are more prevalent than their open-minded counterparts.

“They’re kind of pressed into service,” Coltrane, who studies the role of fatherhood in society, said. “They’re not … trying to be feminists or anything like that. They’re just trying to take care of their kids.”

A major driving force behind such stay-at-home dads is the decline of the U.S. economy’s manufacturing base and the rise of the service industry, which has created more traditionally female jobs, Macdonald and Coltrane agreed.

But even if their motivation is economic, these fathers are contributing toward a loosening of traditional ideals, just like their more willing counterparts, Coltrane said.

“What you have (are) men who are a bit more marginally attached to the workforce,” Coltrane said. “We don’t think of fathers as hands-off (parents) anymore.”

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