By Ryan J. Voigt, M.A.
UW-Eau Claire Counseling Services
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is a term used to describe how we view ourselves. It is how we view our worth as a person. It may be more positive or more negative and it is not set in stone. Thus, if someone has low self-esteem, he or she can do things to boost his or her self concept. When someone has a healthy or more positive self-esteem, he or she is able to accept him or herself "as is." This means acknowledging that we all have both strengths and weaknesses - and that's OK! Healthy or positive self-esteem does not mean that someone has an inflated or self-righteous view of him or herself. One added challenge for a person with a disability may be viewing him or herself as a person first. A disability is only one facet of a person. Thus, for people with disabilities, it's important to allow yourself to view your disability as one component of your life, not the only component. Another issue for people with disabilities may be dealing with discrimination and stereotypes from society. Our society places emphasis on looks, speed, and being the same as everyone else. Thus, people with disabilities might place additional pressure on themselves to try to meet society's impossible standards.
Where does self-esteem come from?
Self-esteem is influenced by many variables while a person is developing his or her self-concept. Parents may provide a crucial role in shaping a child's concept of him or herself. Parents can convey attitudes that the child is independent and successful or inadequate, incapable, and inferior. Thus, lack of confidence does not necessarily equal lack of ability. It may just be a false set of beliefs that a person holds about him or herself. Friends and society can also powerfully influence a person's concept of him or herself. College may be a time when people re-evaluate their self-concept and re-shape their own identities to reflect what they believe is more accurate. For people with disabilities, parents, friends, and society may have shaped your self-image in ways you wish to change.
Consider the following statements:
- If you have depression and are taking medication for it do you ever conclude: "I can't go out with my friends because I can't drink while taking this medication?" [All or nothing thinking]
- If you're deaf, do you ever think: "If I can't do a certain job that interests me because I'm deaf, I won't be able to do any interesting job?" [Overgeneralization]
- If you walk with unsteady gait, do you ever think: "I'm a klutz because I have cerebral palsy?" [Mental Filter]
- If you have a reading disability, do you ever think: "I just finished a book, but it doesn't count because I didn't read it as fast as other people?" [Disqualifying the positive]
- If you have ADHD, do you ever think: "I got in trouble for acting up in class; I know I'm going to fail?" [Jumping to conclusions]
- If you're blind, do you ever think: "I should be able to do anything that my sighted peers can?" [Should statements]
- If you have a speech impediment, do you ever think: "If this person can't understand me that will be awful?" [Catastrophizing]
- If you have dyslexia, do you ever think: "I feel stupid having to explain to people that dyslexia is a "real" disability so I must be stupid?" [Emotional reasoning]
- If you have ADD and you miss an appointment because you didn't write it down, do you think: "I'm so stupid because I have ADD?" [Mislabeling]
- If you're a wheelchair user and you fall out of your chair because of a crack on the sidewalk, do you ever think: "I should have been more careful and avoided that crack?" [Personalization]
The statements above are examples of things that people with disabilities may say to themselves when their having a bad day. The statements illustrate some examples of thinking errors sometimes called cognitive distortions. These are patterns of thinking that people with lower self-esteem may engage in more than people with higher self-esteem. By identifying and changing some of these errors, a person can begin to change how he or she views him or herself. You have become an expert at playing on a field that is not level as a result of dealing with your disability and peoples' attitudes toward your disability. Read on for more information on self-esteem and disabilities.
Tips to improve self-esteem for people with disabilities:
- Maximize the positive and minimize the negative. Focus on your abilities more than your limitations. Everyone has both abilities and limitations. This is not to say that you don't acknowledge that you have a disability, but rather, by focusing on and developing your abilities you can feel good about all the things you can do.
- Avoid unrealistic comparisons. Don't get caught up in comparing apples to oranges. Everyone has both strengths and limitations. A person with a locomotor disability may not be able to compete in Olympic ice hockey, but he or she can compete in Paralympic Sledge hockey.
- Set realistic goals for yourself. Since everyone has limitations, it is not fair to expect yourself to be able to do something unrealistic. This may mean allowing yourself to take the extra time needed to read material and rewarding yourself for persevering. It may not be realistic to expect yourself to read something in the same amount of time as someone without a reading disability.
- Do not over-generalize. If there is something that you cannot do as a result of your disability, it is not fair to conclude that you are an overall failure. There are many things that you can do. Don't tie all of your self-worth to any one attribute or event. Just because you might be a lousy cook does not mean that you are a lousy person in general.
- Avoid getting caught using "should" statements. For example, a student with ADHD says, "I should be able to finish this exam in 50 minutes like everyone else in the class." This is an example of a "should" statement that may not be accurate. Accommodations like extra time on tests are an important tool to create equal opportunities for students to show what they know.
- Appreciate yourself - all of yourself. This means appreciating your disability too. There may be times when you believe that it is more annoying than appreciable, but focus on the positive aspects of your disability. One way to do this is making a list of your strengths including how your disability, or your methods of coping with it, can be an asset.
If you want additional help reorganizing your self-esteem, call 836-5521 or stop by Counseling Services for more information.